Customs and beliefs of some African peoples – Part 3

In this the third and final part of this series we will discuss the relationship of the African man and his children, his home and labors, his manners and his environment.

Children

The African man and woman want children more than anything. In the  older, traditional, village environment when a couple is expecting their first child the wife usually returns home to be instructed by and cared for by her mother. The first child is often born at her father’s home.  After the birth the child’s father will be sent for and it may be a day or two before he can see his child over whom he assumes full parental control. He has both the rights of custody and guardianship over all the children of his marriage.

It does not really matter by whom the woman bears the children as long as she was lobola’d in which case the children always belong to the man who paid the lobola.  So, if a child is conceived in an act of adultery, it still belongs to her husband. The husband may, after accepting payment for “damages” by the lover, accept a customary payment and then relinquish his right to the lover.  After the child is old enough to leave its mother the natural father makes a further payment (for the rearing of his child) and then acquires full rights of custody and guardianship.

A man exercises his rights over his sons until they marry and set up their own homes. His daughters remain under his control until they are married and come under the care of their husbands. A child born as a result of his daughters’ seduction “belongs” to him and he has total discretion as to whether he will hold onto or relinquish custody to its natural father.

Though customary laws in Zimbabwe have always been strict with regard to parental rights, the courts of the country have laid down laws protecting the welfare of children. The welfare of the child is of primary importance when awarding custody. In the case of babies or toddlers who need a mother’s care, custody will often remain with her until they reach the age of about seven years.

The home and his labors

In the rural village, custom demands that there should be a clearly defined division of labor between the men and their women. The man only performs work considered worthy of his superior position in relation to his wife. The traditional woman would not expect her husband to do otherwise.

Throughout the 20^th century, as an economic necessity, many African men earned their living in domestic or other service jobs (such as housekeeping, hotel and restaurant waiters and gardeners) performing daily tasks which they would not dream of doing in their own home environment.

In her home, the African woman is responsible for all the chores connected with rearing her children and keeping her husband contented.  She has her own hut, like each of her husband’s other wives. When she dies, no other woman will ever live in it and it will be left to disintegrate. She shares in the building of the hut.  The husband carries the heavy poles from the surrounding “veld” and sets them up in a circle.  She plasters the walls and floors and carries the long thatching grass for her husband to tie to the frame of the conical roof.

The housewife is constantly busy in the village setting.  She stamps the grain and grinds the meal between two flat stones. She brews the beer, collects the firewood and water, and feeds and tends to the children.  She is responsible for keeping the family larder and sees to it that there is no waste of the food supply.  She also helps the husband cultivate the land. The man is primarily an agriculturalist, for he tills the land, with a plough if one is available. He takes on most of the heavy tasks, making the wooden handles for his tools, fashions the wooden pestle and mortar for his wife’s use, prepares animal skins and even weaves baskets. He is also the hunter, fashioning nets from fibrous tree bark, making snares or pits, and setting traps.

While the man has nothing to do with the village domestic tasks, the woman takes no part in the affairs of the state or tribe.  It is the man who attends the meetings and voices his opinion. The older he is and the greyer his beard, the more his opinion is likely to be respected.

Much of rural tribal life relies on the “nhimbi,” a social gathering attended by men and women from nearby villagers.  Men will squat on their haunches in a circle and pass around a foaming beer pot. Women gather nearby in the shade with their babies and laugh and gossip among themselves. Others will be working happily among the crops.  The onerous day to day tasks are therefore shared among many.  The nhimbi is an important social event.  The guest workers are paid for their hard work by hospitality and tomorrow the nhimbi may be held at their homes and they will benefit from the work on many hands and provide the beer and hospitality. When the crops have been harvested threshing parties will be held and this becomes an enjoyable event. Men and women will gather on the threshing floor and beat the grain from the husks with singing and frequent intervals for a thirst-quenching quaff of beer.

The man and his manners

African people are extremely respectful to others and are polite to a fault. But wherever we go in the world we will encounter local customs that we may think show bad manners when, in fact, manners differ from culture to culture. This is very evident in African society and the multiracial societies that are found in Africa.

When a European man is addressed by a superior or when someone he respects enters the room, he will rise and remain standing as a way to show his respect. An African man, on the other hand, considers it most respectful to squat down as soon as he is addressed by a senior. When entering a room he is being polite by sitting down without waiting for an invitation to do so.

The African, like Arabs and others who have existed in countries where there is barely enough water for survival, let alone for washing, regards his right hand as his “clean” hand.  He uses the right hand for conveying food to his mouth and his left hand for various unclean tasks and would not dare take food from a communal cooking pot with his left hand. Politeness demands that he use his clean hand when handing anything to someone else.  When he receives a gift, he will hold out both hands. No matter how small the item may be he is indicating to you that it so big, so heavy and so generous that it takes two hands to hold it.  To receive a gift with one hand as we do, belittles the gift and does not express gratitude.

If two people are talking the European would not walk between them, but the African will often do so as a way to show he intends no harm. It is very common to see a heavily laden African woman, with a bundle on her head, and perhaps a child or two in tow, walking behind a man who carries nothing but a stick or an axe. In the traditional culture, the man would be unable to protect his wife if he were encumbered with the luggage.

Those of us accustomed to the hectic, busy, western way of life tend to be very abrupt in our greetings and conversations. The traditional attitude of many Africans is far more patient and it is important to give lengthy, polite, greetings and light conversation before getting down to business. It is polite to tell a person what it is thought he wants to hear rather the blunt truth.  So, when asking directions of a rural African man, you may ask, “Is it far to the nearest river?” The answer may well be “No, it is not far.”  A few miles further when your thirst is becoming unbearable you will wonder why the man did not tell you the honest truth.  It is because he was showing his best manners in telling you what he thought you would like to hear.

The list of differences in manners between cultures can be very long. It is very important to understand these differences and to adapt to them. Patience and understanding have never been so important. During my 13 years living in Zimbabwe I gained an immense respect and admiration for the African people with whom I came into contact. These characteristics are still evident.  Even in the strife torn country that is Zimbabwe today, the men and women you meet in their society are almost always hospitable, friendly and welcoming. This is not just because their livelihood may depend on it; it is also because this is the most natural way for them to conduct themselves.